There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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