ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
