I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
