i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
