Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
