does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
