So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
