The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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