Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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