Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
