I'm lost and stupid without you.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
