This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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