Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
