she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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