Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
