Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
