My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
