That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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