he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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