so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm too high and old for this...
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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