I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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