Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
PS: I just woke up from my shower
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
