first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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