Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
and you said cock pushups were impossible
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He had one of those small greek statue penises
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
