I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
