He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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