Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
