There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Congratulations! We have a period
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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