she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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