i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
