The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
