sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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