Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
