wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
