yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
