the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
