ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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