the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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