There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
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