new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
My balls are so social today.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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