He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
