I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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