What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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