3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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