I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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