This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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