you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
