Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
it's like iHOP with fire
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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