I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
