I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
