U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
It's like God shit irony all over that family
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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