so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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