Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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