I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
