turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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