I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Randomize
